Embracing Imperfection And Living An Unbalanced Life With Jennifer Bourn

Today, much of public social media isn’t a reflection of real life. It is carefully crafted, sculpted, designed, and manipulated to gain attention, shape perception, and build personal brands.

While my social media is a 100% honest representation of who I am when you look at my profile feeds, you’re still only seeing what I chose to share — you’re still only seeing my highlight reel. You’re seeing the public success, not the behind-the-scenes mess. You’re seeing smiling faces, exciting opportunities, and fun adventures not crying, frustration, perfectionism, burnout, failures, and deep-rooted insecurity.

Yet, from my conversations with others, that’s what people are craving. They’re craving vulnerability and transparency.

As much as people want to hear about successes and root for you, they also want to know that you’re just like them. That maybe, if you pull back the curtain, you’re a bit of a mess just like they are — because then, achieving the success you have feels possible and even inspiring.

I’m sure you’ve seen the many graphics and posts floating around social media with the quote, “Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.”

That’s the premise of Seeking Satisfaction. This podcast is an opportunity not only for me to share more of my behind-the-scenes and my life, but also to have conversations with others about their journeys.

• Sometimes, we may talk about a challenging business hiccup or a business system failing and how it was handled and fixed.
• Other times, we may talk about a personal struggle, how it was overcome, and the lessons learned.
• Sometimes, we may talk about juggling a full-time job and a side hustle or trying to launch something new outside your main business or job and the challenges that come with that.

Regardless of the topic, the focus of this podcast and each episode is seeking satisfaction in work and life so you can live a richer, happier, fuller, more inspired, joyous, fulfilled life.

My plan was to roll this out in the late spring of 2020, but then the global pandemic hit, everything was chaos, and my focus turned to supporting the mental and physical health of my family and helping my clients and the freelancers, entrepreneurs, and small business owners in my programs and courses keep their businesses on track.

I also dealt with death and grief, devastating health challenges for people I love, a breast cancer scare, and sending my oldest to college. And none of that even accounts for the disturbing, horrific, frankly embarrassing political landscape that we’ve been dealing with in the U.S. and around the world.

For so many people, me included, it was a struggle to find any kind of decent focus and productivity. Ideas and dreams took a backseat to simply surviving the emotional rollercoaster of the past two-and-a-half years and beyond.

But if I’m being honest, this podcast, this idea, goes back even further to 2015, when I fought back tears and shared a story with a friend in the dark, amidst thumping music at a conference afterparty in Denver.

It was the first time ever admitting to anyone other than myself — maybe even truly admitting to myself — what I dealt with in the early years of my business. It was the first time I ever had the courage to say it out loud. Even now, as I think about it; even now, as I talk, about it, I tear up and have to take a break.

Since that night in 2015, I’ve only ever shared that story three times: in a small mastermind group with four close friends, at a dinner at CaboPress in 2018, and in a late evening conversation with just two other people at CaboPress in 2019.

Each time, I was testing the waters to see what it felt like to share my story.

In the past, I had been in situations where other people shared similar, raw, heartbreaking, gut-wrenching stories — and I just couldn’t get to a place where I could talk about it. Even if I wanted to share, I couldn’t get the words out.

It wasn’t until my conversation in 2019, that I realized I was able to share my story without feeling deep embarrassment and fear. And that’s when I knew that I was ready for this. That’s when I knew I had to create this podcast.

I mean, that experience, that story, along with my husband being diagnosed with cancer and facing the possibility of his death in our early 30s, is what drove us to make the shifts we made in our work and our lives to find greater balance and seek greater satisfaction in the everyday.

Those two experiences are why I am so passionate about leaving the hustle-and-grind mentality behind, defining my own version of success, and a building business that supports the life I want to live.

They’re why I hold strong boundaries, embrace imperfection, and obsess over systems and processes. They’re why I am all-in on helping others build better businesses without sacrificing your sanity, your health, and your relationships.

And today, I’m sharing my story with you.

Honestly, I’m nervous, apprehensive, and totally uncomfortable. I’m also a little afraid. It’s why I’ve already recorded 20 episodes of this podcast, 10 have been edited fully and have been ready to go for weeks, and I’m just now recording this episode.

As they say, it’s time to poo or get off the pot…

I quit my full-time job as an in-house designer and started my business after I found out I was pregnant with my second child, my son. A year prior, with big dreams for the future, Brian and I bought a huge house with a huge mortgage. But I didn’t know how to run a business, I didn’t know anyone who freelanced, and I only knew two people who owned their own businesses — and they were in totally different industries with totally different business models.

Other than Brian for support, I had no systems in place, no network to lean on, no help, no one to field my questions.

• I didn’t know that I should have been billing for more than my time to actually do the work I was hired to do, which meant that because I was fast, my fees were low. Too low.
• I was undercharging and overdelivering, I said yes to everything no matter how outrageous, and I was at the beck and call of my clients. When they said jump, I said, “How high?”
• I worked up until the day I gave birth — ten days past my due date. I took two full weeks off, and then I got back to work because if I wasn’t working, I wasn’t getting paid.

Fast-forward about a year and I had a three-year-old and a one-year-old who were not in childcare by choice, a huge mortgage, and a business that was running me ragged. Pile on top of that the fact that I’m a people-pleaser and a perfectionist who values self-reliance, strength, and independence and it was the perfect recipe for overwhelm.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I was happy. Outrageously happy.

I had and continue to have a great marriage and two happy, healthy kids, I had a beautiful home in a fantastic neighborhood, and I owned a business. I was working from home and getting it done and I was incredibly proud of that.

But I was also overcommitted, overworked, and exhausted. And I was lonely.

I got married young — the day after I turned 20 — and I had my children young. No one I knew was married, let alone having babies. So I thought joining a mom’s group and meeting other moms would be a good idea. There was just one problem, when I mentioned that I worked and asked about their meeting schedule, I was uninvited to be a part of the group. They actually said, “I don’t think this is for you.”

I cried, of course, then I went to google and searched for something else. I mean, there had to be something like a mom’s group for moms that worked, right? In my search, I found a women’s networking group, and I went to a meeting to check it out.

I remember I was 27 and scared to death to walk in the door. I sat in my car on the phone with Brian, not sure I belonged. But I did it. I went and I met more women that day than I can count on both hands that ran businesses and had kids.

I felt like I finally found my people and some of those women are still my dear friends today. Being a part of that group was, overall, an amazing experience. I learned a lot and I grew a lot and eventually, nearly 70% of the members became clients.

On the surface, everything looked pretty perfect. My business was booming, I was making great money, I had an amazing husband with a great job who bent over backward to make me happy, I was home with my children in a gorgeous house, and we were putting in an incredible backyard with a pool and pool house.

Yet, behind the scenes, I was again, overwhelmed, overcommitted, overworked, and exhausted. I had too much work — far more work than any one person can possibly manage — and I was working 16-18 hour days, seven days a week. And sometimes even more than that, I mean, I pulled all-nighters at least once a week.

I tried talking to the other women in this networking group about what I was dealing with. But when your problem is having too much business and too many clients, those who may not have enough business or those struggling to get clients don’t want to hear it.

• They told me I was complaining and said, “If only!”
• They told me my problem was a good one to have and that I should be grateful.
• They brushed me off, scoffed, and walked away saying, “Oh gee, I wish I had your problems.”

I needed help, but I didn’t know how to ask for help. I didn’t even know what the problem was that I needed to solve. And I definitely didn’t realize that part of the problem was that I surrounded myself with people who couldn’t help me learn and grow and get better because they couldn’t see what the problem was either.

Most of the time, I could get through the day because Brian was home. Before becoming a software developer and engineer, my husband was a firefighter, engineer, and then fire captain who worked 48s — he worked a two-day shift, then was home for four days straight.

My biggest struggles came during those 48s, when Brian was gone and I was at home with two kids under the age of three, one who didn’t sleep for more than 45 minutes at a time. I was burned out and secretly collapsing under the pressure of meeting too many deadlines and juggling too many meetings.

But you’d never know it. On the outside, I handled it like a champ. I’m a workhorse. I can handle anything. I wore the “I Get Things Done” badge with honor. I was a martyr. And 99% of the time, I held it together. I embraced the idea of making a short-term sacrifice for the long-term gain.

But then there was that 1% of the time when I didn’t cope well — when it all felt like too much. Usually, it was during those 48s, when Brian was at the fire station and I was in the car, driving home from somewhere with both kids screaming and crying in the back seat.

I’d be driving up I-80, and just as I turned up the Highway 65 onramp to cross the bridge and head home, I’d think for a moment…

“What if just let go? What if I just let go of the steering wheel and called it a day? What if there were no more deadlines and meetings and phone calls and all-nighters?”

And for a split second, I’d close my eyes, loosen my grip on the steering wheel, and relax completely. In that split-second, I felt immense peace — and gosh, just saying that now, out loud right now still brings up feelings of deep shame.

But then, I’d snap out of it. I’d physically slap my cheek and spend the rest of the ride home pep-talking myself into being able to keep getting it done. The whole way home I would say…

• What the heck Jen!?
• You’re not a quitter. You don’t quit.
• You’re not weak. You don’t give up.
• Brian didn’t marry someone weak.
• You need to be a strong wife.
• Your kids need a strong mom.
• Put on your big girl pants and pull it together.
• Get ahold of yourself.

I literally spent the rest of the drive home, shaming myself for even thinking those thoughts and hyping myself up to keep going. By the time I pulled into my driveway, I got my mind right and I was again the woman who could handle it all. The woman who sucked it up and got it done no matter what.

No matter what.

And I did get it done. And even though I was exhausted from constantly burning the candle at both ends, I was happy. I was home with my babies every day and most of the time Brian was home with us too — and other than my booming, run-away business, we had a great life.

I just needed to learn how to do business better.

So, I learned. I read everything I could about running a business, invested in education, attended events and conferences, joined coaching and mastermind programs, changed the people I surrounded myself with, and got really comfortable asking questions — a lot of questions.

Then, we discovered Brian had gallbladder cancer — a cancer that typically exhibits no symptoms until it spreads beyond the gallbladder into the liver — and at that point, there’s no cure. It’s terminal. By pure happenstance and thanks to a really unhealthy, fatty meal at Macaroni Grill, the doctors discovered it by accident, early, before it escaped the gallbladder.

We joke today that Macaroni Grill saved Brian’s life and our family.

That scare and the two years of oncology follow-up were brutal. You never think you’ll have to face your own mortality or that of your spouse or partner in your early thirties, or consider what it might be like to not see your children grow up.

For those two years, everything stayed status quo. We made no big moves in life. We did nothing major with the business. We just waited and snuggled a lot and made memories.

Then finally, when Brian received the all-clear signal, we resumed making plans. I wouldn’t wish that experience on anyone, but I will say that it was a blessing in disguise. As I’ve already said, facing Brian’s mortality and the burnout I created for myself in my business led us to rethink our entire life.

You see, we got married the day after I turned 20 and bought our first house in my hometown just a few months later. Everything was about investing in our future, planning for the future, thinking about the future. We were maxing out our retirement savings and renovating a home and building equity — and I was still in college! Even after I graduated, even after we had kids, we still had this intense focus on the future.

Burnout and cancer made us re-evaluate everything. I mean, no one, when lying on their deathbed, will look back and say “Gee, I wish I finished one more thing on my to-do list,” or “I wish I worked more.”

So we asked questions like:

• What do we want out of life?
• What do we want our work to look like?
• What do we want lives to look like?
• What does success mean to us?

Then, once we had a clear picture of what we wanted, we had to ask questions like:

• How can we start changing things to make this our reality?
• How can we build a business we love and a life we love at the same time?

With a multi-year plan in place — because these kinds of changes don’t happen overnight — Brian quit his cushy job at the fire department and joined my business full-time. He had already been working as my developer and finance guy for years but then he stepped up and took on a larger role.

Yes, I hired my husband to be my boss and do everything I didn’t like doing. It was awesome and exactly what we wanted. Our little family of four was home together every day and we were the masters of our own destinies and in total control of our schedules and lives.

There was just one problem. My business, our business, was growing even faster than it was before. On one hand, it was great because it was now responsible for both of our paychecks and it was the sole support of our family. On the other hand, now we were both working wild hours and juggling the kids.

When he was working against a deadline, I would handle family things. When I was working against a deadline, he would handle family things. And when we were both working against deadlines, it was complete chaos. Thankfully, the kids don’t remember any of that. They were too young. All they remember is that we both have always been there, loving them, playing with them, snuggling them, and supporting them.

We did work hard to find that magical work/life balance everyone talks about.

I’m serious when I say that we tried everything and pretty much nothing worked. Trying to achieve that mythical balance and always feeling like you’re coming up short is so, so frustrating.

Over time, we realized that work/life balance is a total lie. It’s a myth, a perilous path, a farce. It’s a dangerous idea that sets you up to feel like you’re failing — to feel like you’re not doing enough or not doing it right — and that’s because you’re chasing the wrong goal.

Eventually, we came to understand that the goal isn’t work/life balance. I didn’t need to achieve balance to find greater satisfaction in my work and life. The goal is work/life harmony and work/life flexibility. I needed to embrace the natural ebb and flow of work and life and use it to my advantage.

Let me explain…

I want you to think of kids playing on a teeter-totter — a see-saw.

Think of those kids that climb on the teeter-totter toward the middle and try relentlessly to balance it. It’s hard work and it’s nearly impossible. Even if you do miraculously get it balanced, it’s only for a split second because it takes a tremendous amount of energy and effort to keep it balanced. And the minute you move, you lose it.

That, in no way, sounds like fun. Plus, that’s not how you’re supposed to enjoy a teeter-totter!

It’s designed for two kids, one sitting on each end, that take turns pushing off the ground to rise up into the air. As one kid goes up, the other comes down. The fun, enjoyment, and excitement of playing on a teeter-totter comes from that give and take, that push and pull, that rise and fall.

The only time a teeter-totter isn’t fun is when that one mean kid holds one end down for too long and you’re stuck in the air and you can’t get down.

Now, think of a teeter-totter as your whole life.

As business owners or professionals, our lives and businesses or careers are often intertwined. Whether we like it or not, what happens in one affects the other. So think of a teeter-totter with your business or job at one end and your personal life or family at the other end.

If you try to exist in the middle and perfectly balance the two, it’s going to again feel nearly impossible. It’s going to be a constant, never-ending struggle and eventually, you’re going to get tired and give up.

Just as a teeter-totter isn’t meant to be balanced, your life isn’t meant to be balanced.

A teeter-totter, in its natural state, when no one is playing with it, sits lop-sided, with one end on the ground. That state represents everything that makes up your life. The end on the ground is everything that makes you who you are and everything that matters to you — that’s why it’s the heavier end. The end in the air is your work, which is just a part of your life.

And hey, life, overall, is far more fun and far more exciting when there is that give and take, that push and pull, that rise and fall — when work and life take turns as your priority.

• Sometimes, life must come first and work must take a backseat. You need to be there when your kid is sick and you need to be at their sports games or dance recitals. You need to be at a friend’s wedding or go on that date night. You need to take vacations, play games, enjoy happy hour, build Legos, float in lazy rivers, go hiking, read for fun, and have time to refuel your tanks.
• Other times, work must come first and your personal life must take a backseat. There will be times you need to work extra hard or pull long hours to meet an important deadline, achieve a big goal, or pull off something massive. Professionally, there isn’t anything quite like the satisfaction that comes from reaching a major milestone or bold stretch goal after an immersive sprint.

And this is okay!

It’s okay to live an unbalanced life as long as the teeter-totter keeps moving up and down; as long as one doesn’t push the other out of the way for too long or hold one end of the teeter-totter on the ground for too long.

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned is that an unbalanced life is a rich, fulfilling, rewarding, joyous life.

Today my goal is to live an unbalanced life and keep my work/life teeter-totter moving.

When I’m working, I’m all-in and fully present, making every minute count so when I step away from my work, I can be all-in and fully present with myself, my family, and my friends.

• This dynamic plays out in a single day with focused time blocks dedicated to work and time blocks dedicated to rest and play.
• It plays out over the span of a week, with workdays dedicated to business and clients and evenings and weekends dedicated to rest and play.
• It also plays out over the span of months or years. For example, I know that I can push hard and operate as a true high-performer for a solid 6-8 weeks before I show signs of burnout. That’s why our family, years ago, started scheduling vacations, weekend getaways, or trips every 6-8 weeks.

It’s a funny dynamic because the thing that makes me able show up at a high-level for my clients and members of my programs is the exact thing I thought would ruin my business when I had less experience.

In the early years of my freelance journey, I was afraid to step away from work. I couldn’t walk away from my computer during the workday and I was worried about taking a vacation and worked through more than one vacation.

I mean… What if a client needed something? What if a new lead reached out? I couldn’t risk losing out on that work so I rarely ever took a break.

I had to learn the hard way that taking breaks actually made me a better designer, a better writer, a better strategist, a better partner, and a better business owner. Learning that was game-changing. And ironically, the more breaks we took, the better our business did — and our clients respected us and our vacations. Some even took their vacations at the same time we did!

But that’s a story for another episode.

It’s also important to understand that the only way I was able to take breaks and truly step away from my business for vacations and travel and shut off my email and notifications, was by mapping out, creating, testing, refining, and leveraging systems that could be delegated or automated.

Consistent, documented, repeatable systems that remove you from the day-to-day operations of your business are what give you freedom and they completely transformed my business and my life. They gave me the ability to run my business instead of letting it run me. They allowed me to start working to live instead of living to work.

The thing is, when you do a lot of different things, when you do things differently every time, when every client has drastically different needs and you’re always trying to figure out what tools to use, creating those systems is nearly impossible.

To create those systems with success, I had to narrow my focus and stop trying to be all things to all people. My business had to plant its stake in the sand and decide the type of clients we wanted to work with, the type of projects we wanted to do, the platform we were going to use, and the tools we were going to build with.

We first needed to establish constraints that created consistency from project to project. Then, we went all in. We systematized our processes and stayed the course, ignoring the bright shiny objects whenever possible. This made our business systems more effective, our client work more efficient, and our website projects far more profitable than you can imagine.

In July of this year, 2022, my business will celebrate its 17-year anniversary. Even with its highs and lows, I am incredibly proud of my journey, the business I have built, the life I have created, and the person I have become along the way.

I mean, let’s face it, you can’t invest in upleveling your career and your business, and your mindset, without also upleveling yourself.

Personal growth and professional growth go hand-in-hand. Our personal histories, experiences, stories, thoughts, and beliefs are what guide our professional actions. They’re also often the things that hold us back and get it our way.

To be a better business owner and leader, you need to better understand yourself.

When I discovered that I am an Enneagram 8, I read that eights want to be self-reliant, to prove their strength and resist weakness, to be important, and to stay in control.

Eights are the lone wolf. They want to be independent and they resist being indebted to anyone. This means they approach business with a steely determination that can be both awe-inspiring and intimidating. This is likely why eights also often feel hurt and rejected. But they’ll never talk about it because they have trouble being vulnerable.

It was tough to read but also disturbingly accurate — and it explains why I often feel like I have to take on the world and do it all by myself, even though I’m surrounded by people who love me and support me and want to help.

That understanding also helped me understand why I often make the decisions I do, what my default patterns are, and why my journey followed the path it did.

When I think back to my 25-year-old self, quitting her full-time job to start freelancing, and that 27-year-old girl, nervous and all get-out to walk into her first adult, professional networking event, I would tell something that I think would benefit you to hear too…

I want you to know that everything you want is possible. Everything you dream of is possible.

• You can create the incredible life you’re dreaming of and you can grow a profitable, sustainable, freedom-based business without sacrificing your relationships, your soul, your sanity, or your health.
• But you can’t do it alone and the repercussions of trying aren’t worth it. Business isn’t meant to be done alone and you’re not expected to know everything, have all the answers, or be able to do everything.
• Give yourself grace and space to learn, make mistakes and ask for help, and surround yourself with a supportive community.

If you don’t have a community or you’re looking for a new one, come hang out with me and the brilliant folks I surround myself with and am lucky enough to have in my programs — programs that help you build a better business and a life you love.

Programs like Profitable Project Plan, Content Creators Club, Content Camp, and the all-new Seeking Satisfaction Extra Minutes Membership.

As I said at the very start of this episode, my first ever podcast episode, today I work with clients I love, do fulfilling work, and have the freedom to live the life of my choosing — a life that prioritizes both meaningful work and meaningful play, just not at the same time.

And now I want to ask you, what life are you choosing?

Your thoughts and actions determine your reality, which means the decisions you make today are what create your tomorrow and your future — and I want you to look forward to that future and to be excited by that future.

I want you to live inspired, embrace imperfection, and seek satisfaction each and every day, which is what this podcast is all about. I hope you’ll check out the episodes already available at Jenniferbourn.com/seeking-satisfaction.

The conversations you’ll get to eavesdrop on are amazing.

Yes, we’re talking about successful businesses and the systems and processes that power them. But we’re also talking about the other side of the teeter-totter — the battles owners have fought or are fighting behind the scenes.

You’ll hear about things like overwhelm, anxiety, depression, business systems and tools failing, death and grief, distraction, embarrassing mistakes, insecurity, and more. You’ll also hear heartwarming personal stories and you’re likely going to laugh a bit too.

And again, you can learn more about the show at Jenniferbourn.com/seeking-satisfaction.

Or, if you would like to join a community of others just like you who are juggling work and life, managing clients and kids, handling stress, tackling unexpected challenges, pursuing their dreams, elevating their mindsets and skills, and seeking satisfaction, check out the Seeking Satisfaction Extra Minutes Membership!

The Extra Minutes are exactly that — extra minutes with me and my podcast guest where we dive deeper into one of the topics discussed during the episode. That means members get a new Extra Minutes training each week that provides valuable insights and lessons to help you do business better in 25 minutes or less.

In the first Extra Minutes Bonus Training, I’m going to walk you through several different ways to narrow your focus, identify the repetitive processes in your business, and get started creating your own powerful, transformative business systems.

You can find details about the Extra Minutes Membership and trainings in the show notes or again at Jenniferbourn.com/seeking-satisfaction.

Thank you so much for listening and checking out this first episode of Seeking Satisfaction. I am so happy you’re here. Until next time, may you live inspired, embrace imperfection, seek satisfaction, and have a fabulous day.

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